7 key lessons learned from transforming a breakdown to a breakthrough

Imagine standing at the edge of a precipice, feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders, and seeing no way forward. This moment of intense struggle, often identified as a breakdown, can feel like the end of the road. Yet, it is precisely in these moments of darkness that the seeds of transformation are sown.

In this post, we’ll delve into the raw, unfiltered realities of hitting rock bottom and uncover the hidden opportunities within these challenging experiences. Through my personal story and actionable insights, you’ll discover how to harness the energy of your possible breakdown to catalyse your most significant breakthroughs. 

Prepare to be inspired, challenged, and empowered as we navigate the lessons that turn life’s hardest moments into stepping stones towards your greatest achievements. So here are the key lessons I learned that turned my breakdown into the best thing that could have happened to me.

1. Prioritising myself 

After the break up of my relationship, I truly went into grieving for a while – nothing mattered to me. All I wanted was for the pain to go away. However, somehow my body was telling me that, instead of finding millions of distractions to numb myself, I should do the absolute opposite. So, I went inward and started prioritising just being. Work, social events, social media etc. etc. did not matter.  

As uncomfortable as it was for me, I turned down meetings at work, reduced my workload and consciously decided to do bare minimum. I was vulnerable and honest with my manager and explained I would be less engaged over a certain period of time. My fear of external judgement did not matter – my well-being mattered! I purposely created time to do what was good for me. I prioritised nature walks, meditation, reading, focusing on my health, sitting with my thoughts and feelings, going to therapy, receiving coaching and processing my emotions (a lot of processing!).

Did I lose anything by prioritising myself? No! Did I gain anything? Absolutely YES! I developed a deeper understanding of myself and my inner workings. As a result, I gained an unshakable sense of self-worth, fulfilment, the understanding of the meaning of my life and the feeling of ‘anything is possible’ and ‘everything is figureoutable’. 

Lesson:  make decisions that are good for you, even if they don’t look good to the outside world.  By making yourself your number one priority, you’re sending a powerful message to yourself and others that your well-being matters – commanding self-respect and respect by others. You are acknowledging your own worth and value. By doing so, you are also rewiring your brain and the nervous system to work in your favour rather than against you. It is an investment in your long-term success and happiness.

2. Processing my emotions

Part of the reason why I was hit with the perfect storm was that I, consciously or unconsciously, suppressed my emotions. Because suppressing my emotions was a norm growing up, it became part of my psychology. During my journey I learned the KEY fact that our emotions are there for a reason. They are there to serve us. To protect us. To teach us about ourselves. 

They also act as messages as to what our thoughts are consumed by. Are our thoughts on everything we have lost, or on what we have gained? Are we focusing on what we don’t want to happen in the future or what we do want to happen? 

I went through three different stages while processing my emotions: 

1. The first, and the most important in my experience, was to allow myself to feel them.  I knew I was safe no matter the intensity of the emotion. So, I sat with it.

2. Then I observed and evaluated, i.e. why I feel what I feel?  What do I need to learn about myself in order for me to let go of this emotion? Do I need to value and trust myself more? To forgive myself and let go of the guilt? To let go of what other people think? To let go of what the society and the childhood narratives dictated? To focus more on the things I do have in my life and not the things I lost? To focus on what is important to me instead of pleasing people? etc.

3. Then there was acceptance. The realisation that I can’t change the past. It’s already happened. All I could do is learn from the experience, make sure I didn’t repeat the pattern and that I grew. 

Lesson: You’re a human, not a robot. Feeling your emotions is normal and necessary for your evolution. Some emotions are painful. Experience the pain, knowing you will come through the other side a more empowered person, who can take action to change your situation.

3. Everything is happening FOR ME, not to me.

This was a big one to embrace. During my darkest moments, my thoughts were something like ‘I can’t believe this is happening to me, again!’; ‘What have I done wrong, again, to deserve this?’; ‘Why is this happening to me?’ etc, etc, etc. It was easy to feel like the universe was working against me when things didn’t go according to plan.  I went into apathy for a short while. But then, with the help of my family, specific meditation and the therapist, I started bouncing back and seeing life for what it is – a journey filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. I started shifting my perspective and I started telling myself that whatever was happening, was happening for a reason, and I just needed to embark on the journey of finding out what was in it FOR ME, rather than against me.

I empowered myself to make the circumstances I didn’t like into a fertile soil to grow something better for the future. I was adamant not to repeat the same mistakes again – I was determined to learn my lessons this time, and change accordingly. This was the point where I saw every challenge, every setback, every disappointment as an opportunity for growth, learning, and evolution. It became a chance to become stronger, wiser, and more resilient. 

As a result, there was a profound shift in my perspective that transformed how I started navigating life’s challenges and uncertainties. I started finding meaning and purpose in every experience, whether it was joyful or painful. 

It was a loud reminder that I was not defined by my circumstances, but by how I chose to respond to them. 

Lesson: You are not a victim of your circumstances; you are a co-creator of your reality. Embrace the belief that life is always happening FOR YOU, conspiring in your favour. It is always giving you either a lesson or a blessing. Pay attention to what actions it wants you to take to lead you towards greater fulfilment, purpose, and joy. Embrace the journey, trust the process, surrender and know that the universe has your back. 

4. Embracing reality: facing the hard truths

My breakdown to a breakthrough journey led me to encounter moments that challenged me to confront uncomfortable truths. I asked myself ‘OK, all externalities aside, how did I contribute to my breakdown?’ ‘What was my part in it?’ ‘What was it that I didn’t want to see or feel?’ ‘Where did I make it to be about ‘them’ to avoid seeing my own flaws?’ etc.etc.etc. Uncovering the hard truths about myself was a roller-coaster of emotions.

Some deep rooted hard truths were painful to acknowledge, I faced ultimate discomfort uncovering my shortcomings. Yet, they held immense power. One of the most significant benefits of facing the hard truths was that it allowed me to break free from the grip of denial and illusion. It taught me to embrace discomfort as a necessary part of my life experience. 

Embracing the hard truths – the reality – meant being willing to confront the aspects of myself that were driven by fear, avoidance, or wishful thinking. It required vulnerability, courage, honesty with self, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. 

However, the rewards far outweighed the temporary discomfort. By embracing reality in all its complexity, I opened myself up to a life of authenticity, I developed a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me, which ultimately led to greater self-awareness, empathy, and compassion.

Lesson: facing the hard truths about yourself is a fundamental aspect of personal growth. When we confront reality with clarity and honesty, we empower ourselves to live more authentically, make more informed choices, and cultivate deeper connections with ourselves and others. We then can approach life with a sense of purpose, intention and meaning. 

So, embrace the hard truths, decide what you want to do about it and own your part in the ability to change. 

5. Self-compassion and forgiveness

Uncovering hard truths was brutal. I was overwhelmed with regret and with ‘what ifs’. The energy of regret was unpleasant, and I could have easily distracted myself from, or indulged in, that energy and self-criticism. However, instead of doing that, I leaned into self-compassion and self-forgiveness to truly move forward.

At its core, self-compassion meant I needed to acknowledge my flaws, mistakes and vulnerabilities, and treat myself with the same understanding that I would offer to a dear friend. For example, whenever I had the thought of ‘If only…’ or ‘I am so awful for having done…’, instead of remaining in the loop of wishful thinking, self-judgement and criticism, I would catch myself and say ‘Things happen. I am only a human. I did not know any better. Forgive myself for the times I did not know any better.  It is in the past.’ etc. I practised this every time I caught myself in the energy of regret – stuck in the past. 

Essentially, I learned to offer myself words of encouragement, comfort, and support, the way I would have supported if my friend came to me with the same issue. If I can offer this support to a friend, I should be able to also offer it to myself! 

Cultivating self-compassion and self-forgiveness freed me from the burden of guilt, shame and regret. It allowed me to release the weight of the past, embrace my inherent worthiness, and move forward. 

Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are powerful practices that have transformed my relationship with myself and the world around me. 

Lesson: Self-compassion and forgiveness is where the true freedom lies. 

When we hold onto grudges against ourselves for past mistakes or perceived failures, we imprison ourselves in a cycle of self-punishment and suffering. However, by extending forgiveness to ourselves, we break free from this cycle and open the door to healing and growth. 

Self-compassion is a gentle yet profound practice that holds the key to deep healing and personal growth. Self-forgiveness is an essential ingredient in the journey towards inner peace, reminding us that we are deserving of compassion, understanding, and grace—both from ourselves and from others.

6. Gratitude

OK, I had a breakdown and my heart was broken. But my quality of life was still far better than many others experience in this world. I had the support of my family and friends, roof above my head, food on my table, water to drink, clothes to wear, eyes to see the beauty that surrounded me, financial security and the physical ability to do the things I loved – I was still alive! 

Yes, my life no longer was the way I expected it to be, but I was still alive, and I had everything to enable me to build myself up. I just had to choose to see it that way. So I did, I chose to focus on what I had and build myself up, instead of beating myself up for what I had lost. Instead of feeling like a victim of circumstances, I invited gratitude for the blessings disguised as setbacks. 

Lesson learnt: Focus on what you have – not on what you lost or don’t have. We have so much to be grateful for. We just have to remind ourselves of it. By cultivating gratitude, we can develop resilience, boost our mood, and create a more fulfilling and contented life.

7. Seeking help is key 

I must admit, I was reluctant at first, but in the end I decided to try therapy. I stayed with it for a year. Additionally, I received coaching and I still have a coach. 

The work I implemented as a result of receiving this help was fundamental to my transformation. Was it scary at first? Yes. Did my ego try to find excuses for not doing it? Yes. Did I Iike my coach exposing me to the truths I did not want to see? No. Did I like my therapist opening up the wounds I did not know existed? No. Did I want to quit and run away at times? 100% yes.

However, as uncomfortable as it was, somewhere deep I knew I needed this and I just decided to stick with the work. One day at a time, it got easier and easier. Then, all of a sudden, breakthroughs started happening. I saw and experienced things in a different light. This is where I thanked myself and the Higher Power for giving me the wisdom to ask for help, be open to receiving it, and having patience to do the work even when it was all too unfamiliar. 

Lesson learnt: ask for and be open to receiving help. Often the most effective way to navigate the difficult times is to ask for help. Ask help from those whose knowledge and experience may save you countless unnecessary mistakes and suffering. It will not only make you feel supported but it can also open you up to experiencing life in a way you never knew existed. Get over your ego and fear, ask for help, commit to improving; and watch your life transform.  

Remember – until you decide and commit to doing something differently, nothing in your life will ever change. And maybe that is ok for you. If, however, you want something to change, then take action, take control and put yourself in the driving seat. Seize the opportunity and create your own destiny. If I can do it – you can do it too.

You only have one chance at life and it is never too late to build the life you want!

In case you would like to know more about my experience or feel you could benefit from my coaching please do contact me! Lesson no 7, you don`t have to face everything on your own.

Yours,