I am a Soviet Union child. I was born and raised in a small village in a small country – Estonia. Life was bitter sweet.
Sweet was the freedom and curiosity cultivated growing up surrounded by nature, embracing the simplicity of not having much. Not having much was the norm. There was beauty in that.
Bitter was the tough environment where working hard was a must, constantly having to achieve was the norm, where success was not celebrated, and failure was frowned upon. Emotions did not matter.
It was this bitter side that made me strong and able to ‘put up’ with anything that life threw at me. It was the sweet that gave me the curiosity and courage to leave my home, my country, at a young age and explore the wider world. This led me to live and work first in the US and then to the UK.
By my late 30s, I felt I had achieved success (as I defined it), I enjoyed my job, I was doing very well financially, I found my passion in volleyball, I was engaged to a man I thought was the guy for me for the rest of my life. I was happy…or so I thought…
Then, there was 2022, the year of the perfect storm of adversities. Every part of my life that I cherished – my family and my relationship – hit a wall.
It all started with my brother getting divorced. I am very close to my brother. Whilst the divorce was the right decision, I was giving him and my family a lot of myself and a lot of emotional support. At the time, I didn’t think it affected me… But it did.
The Russia/Ukraine war followed. I have family in both countries. The war shook us all. I was following the news every day, and at the time I didn’t think it affected me… But it did.
Unsurprisingly, these things led to strains in my parents marriage. My mother is Russian and my father is Ukranian. For the first time in their 40 years of marriage they found themselves on a brink of separation. Again, as sad as it was to observe, I didn’t think it affected me… But it did.
My fiance and I were trying to get pregnant for a long time, with no success. We tried to not put too much pressure on ourselves. At the time, I didn’t think the lack of success affected me… But it did.
The trigger, if you will, was a work secondment to Australia. I enjoyed this trip, but I felt the stress created by the distance from my loved ones. My body started showing me that something wasn’t quite right. I got psoriasis on my scalp, rosacea in my face, extra weight in my body, and COVID struck me. This was coupled with a massive amount of anxiety. I started smoking, a lot, to cope with anxiety. Still, I wasn’t listening to my body. I thought none of this affected me… But it did.
Work wise, Australia was a huge success. I happily returned home and was so excited to finally see my fiance, to be reunited. I got home, and I instantly felt something wasn’t right. And it wasn’t… Even in my wildest dreams, I could not imagine that my ‘perfect’ relationship could hit rock bottom in an instant. It felt like lightning and thunder hit me out of a blue sky!
My relationship ended, I was in shock and heartbroken. My dreams vanished, and, on the inside, I was shattered and felt like I was split into a million tiny pieces. What followed was the most excruciating time of my life.
The break-up opened up the gates for everything that I thought wasn’t affecting me to come out to play. The tsunami of emotions, the pain of betrayal, the confusion of ‘what just happened?’ – this swirled around in me every day. I seemed so put together, but I was in pieces.
With my mother’s help, I eventually scraped myself off of the floor and I decided something had to change. I couldn’t afford to go through life beating myself up for the mistakes I made, for ignoring how I truly felt and thinking things didn’t affect me. No matter what it took, I was going to learn how to make the most of this adverse situation:
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- What is it teaching me?
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- What was my contribution to all of this?
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- Why did things go the way they went?
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- How can I turn this pain into power to benefit my future?
I decided to understand how to connect to myself, to listen to myself, to trust myself, and to love myself. I decided to get back up and transform my life.
The simple, but not easy, work of self-discovery began. I started learning a lot about the workings of the human body, mind, behaviour, neurology and universal energy. I read A LOT, went to therapy and attended group coaching. I went deep, to work from the root cause, not just the symptoms. It required discipline, determination, facing my delusions and illusions, sitting with my feelings, releasing blocked emotions, seeing truths I did not want to see, removing the filters through which I viewed the events and people in my life, managing my thoughts, forgiving myself, accepting all that is and letting go.
I let go.
And then…oh boy, did the work pay off?! I started experiencing myself and my life completely differently. What a life that is! Full of joy, gratitude, peace, meaning and fulfillment within! The betrayal turned into a blessing, the confusion turned into comprehension, the judgement became compassion and forgiveness took centre stage.
I gained clarity. A sense of direction, a strong self-belief, new levels of self-respect and self- empowerment. A sense of liberation. I became a walking evidence that coaching, and consistent work, transforms one’s life.
I started feeling this strong wish to share this journey with as many people as possible, just in case my experience would help someone else with anything they may struggle with in their life.
Along my path I came across people who needed support and guidance. They turned to me asking for help and shared that they felt ‘lighter’ after implementing what I suggested to them.
Somewhere deep down inside I started realising I was here for much more than giving advice on a random basis. I was here to help as many people as I can.
With this realisation, and with the loving push from a very dear friend, came the unstoppable desire to become a life coach. This was reinforced when another friend teared up after hearing the news of me becoming a life coach. She teared up from the sheer joy of ‘you are going to help so many people and this world!’. And that was powerful!
I strongly believe that EVERY SINGLE PERSON on this planet deserves, and is capable, to unlock the power within and live a more meaningful life, feeling fulfilled, joyful, purposeful and abundant from within. And I am here to support them on this journey. I help people help themselves. How can I help you?
I go through you to get to true you, unlocking your true power to improve your life.
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